Someone much smarter than me (only one) once said "If you open the door of doubt, you'll never be able to close it" and I am finding out more and more how true that is. So, my doubt is ultimately contained to what I am achieving here, but to fully understand it, we will have to delve a little deeper.
I found a pattern that I am happier about being here when I am at home, speaking a lot of french with friends, or doing something fun, than when I am in classes, and at first I thought that that is to be expected. After a while I thought maybe it was Senioritus kicking in, or perhaps a natural effect of taking an unusually hard course, but after a little longer that feeling I felt in class was more of the unsatisfied "I'm not getting anything done" or "I have more important things to do" feeling, that I would have when I stayed at a party or dinner too long.
I often feel like I should be doing something to prepare for college after this, and get the rolling feeling in my stomach (the one you get before you take a test you haven't prepared for), when I think about unprepared I might be. Tout le monde keeps telling me to relax and enjoy my year abroad, but they (the students) are a year behind me and will have their senior year to catch up when they get back.
Well I've definitely opened the door of doubt, and it's like a flood rushing in, and very hard to shut. I have and will continue to try to stay positive and make the best out of my exchange encore, but I am definitely having my doubts.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
FRENCH NOTE #1
I'm at the point where I understand most of what most people say to me, most of the time. Exceptions include most of my teachers, and people from Canada. when I don't understand, most of the time it's only one word in the sentence that throws me off. I have trouble with conjugation and politeness, but I cant usually get my point across without much trouble.
(This is just to serve as a sort of milestone, so I can understand later how my french was when I wrote this... If that makes any sense at all)
(This is just to serve as a sort of milestone, so I can understand later how my french was when I wrote this... If that makes any sense at all)
Happiness Meter Steadily Increasing :)
Well as the titre suggests i'm feeling a whole lot better each day. I'm sure that my recent bursts of happiness are not even close to related to the care package I received in the mail, but seriously the doritos, oreos, and jerky have been doing wonders for my psyche by giving me just a taste of the states.
I joined the l'equippe d'air comprime, which for non french speakers is the air-soft team. Unfortunalty it is not like the air-softing in the US, which includes a little combat, but is strictly target competition. The crazy thing is that I am actually really good at it, go figure. I am definitely having a whole lotta fun, and found a cool, productive way to spend my saturday mornings.
It's not like I'm not having a good time, but every day at school, I feel like I'm just wasting a year. I'm getting better and better at french, i am having a new and exciting adventure every day, but when i go to school, i just sit there for hours trying to understand what my teachers are saying. I've decided that some of them must be extra terrestrials, because the sound that is coming out of their mouths doesn't even resemble french. I almost feel like recording M. Moron (Geography) and playing it for my family, to see if they understand.
all of my fellow students are starting to get sick of me, and I even over heard one saying he'd wish I would just go home. I have fun and try to socialize, but I am getting on their nerves because I hardly ever understand the assignment. It probably didn't help that my last three lunches either melted, or exploded in the microwave, causing everyone to wait while I cleaned it.
My host brother and I are starting to get sick of each other too, I am starting to understand why Mike (my older brother) would beat the crap out of me sometimes. I think the only positive outcome of me switching host families will be a break from Quentin. He's a cool kid, but I could never live with him for longer than 6 months at a time.
All in all, even though i still have a lotta problems to work out, I'm really havin fun. I still cant shake the feeling that I'm wasting my time, but i have the knowledge that i'm learning french to console me. I am gonna talk with my old french class in Evanston over Skype this Friday, and I'm definitely looking forward to that.
Catch y'all later, dan
I joined the l'equippe d'air comprime, which for non french speakers is the air-soft team. Unfortunalty it is not like the air-softing in the US, which includes a little combat, but is strictly target competition. The crazy thing is that I am actually really good at it, go figure. I am definitely having a whole lotta fun, and found a cool, productive way to spend my saturday mornings.
It's not like I'm not having a good time, but every day at school, I feel like I'm just wasting a year. I'm getting better and better at french, i am having a new and exciting adventure every day, but when i go to school, i just sit there for hours trying to understand what my teachers are saying. I've decided that some of them must be extra terrestrials, because the sound that is coming out of their mouths doesn't even resemble french. I almost feel like recording M. Moron (Geography) and playing it for my family, to see if they understand.
all of my fellow students are starting to get sick of me, and I even over heard one saying he'd wish I would just go home. I have fun and try to socialize, but I am getting on their nerves because I hardly ever understand the assignment. It probably didn't help that my last three lunches either melted, or exploded in the microwave, causing everyone to wait while I cleaned it.
My host brother and I are starting to get sick of each other too, I am starting to understand why Mike (my older brother) would beat the crap out of me sometimes. I think the only positive outcome of me switching host families will be a break from Quentin. He's a cool kid, but I could never live with him for longer than 6 months at a time.
All in all, even though i still have a lotta problems to work out, I'm really havin fun. I still cant shake the feeling that I'm wasting my time, but i have the knowledge that i'm learning french to console me. I am gonna talk with my old french class in Evanston over Skype this Friday, and I'm definitely looking forward to that.
Catch y'all later, dan
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