Doubt

Someone much smarter than me (only one) once said "If you open the door of doubt, you'll never be able to close it" and I am finding out more and more how true that is. So, my doubt is ultimately contained to what I am achieving here, but to fully understand it, we will have to delve a little deeper.

I found a pattern that I am happier about being here when I am at home, speaking a lot of french with friends, or doing something fun, than when I am in classes, and at first I thought that that is to be expected. After a while I thought maybe it was Senioritus kicking in, or perhaps a natural effect of taking an unusually hard course, but after a little longer that feeling I felt in class was more of the unsatisfied "I'm not getting anything done" or "I have more important things to do" feeling, that I would have when I stayed at a party or dinner too long.

I often feel like I should be doing something to prepare for college after this, and get the rolling feeling in my stomach (the one you get before you take a test you haven't prepared for), when I think about unprepared I might be. Tout le monde keeps telling me to relax and enjoy my year abroad, but they (the students) are a year behind me and will have their senior year to catch up when they get back.

Well I've definitely opened the door of doubt, and it's like a flood rushing in, and very hard to shut. I have and will continue to try to stay positive and make the best out of my exchange encore, but I am definitely having my doubts.